You Are Not Alone. And You Will Not Always Feel This Lost.
By Coach Mini | Stillbirth Mom | Certified Personal Trainer & Nutritionist | Founder, Riv Method
I want to start by saying something that I wish someone had said to me:
What you are going through is not rare. It is just rarely talked about. And the silence around it makes you feel like you are the only one — when you are not.
I lost my baby boy at 39 weeks. Full term. A textbook pregnancy all the way to the end. And then — nothing. No heartbeat. I gave birth to my stillborn son and walked out of that hospital with empty arms and a body that had just done everything right.
In those early days, I couldn’t see one week into the future. I didn’t know if I would come out of it. The grief was louder than anything I had ever experienced. And the cruelest part? My body still looked postpartum. Still felt postpartum. Still was postpartum — without a baby to hold.
This post is for you. If you are in that place right now — or if you know someone who is — please keep reading.
You Don’t Need a Therapist to Tell You It’s Okay to Grieve
When I was in the depths of my grief, I felt like I needed permission to feel what I was feeling. Society has a very short window for grief — especially pregnancy loss. People expect you to “move on.” To “stay strong.” To “be grateful for what you have.”
But before I went to a therapist, what I needed most was to talk to another stillbirth mom. Someone who had been in that exact place. Someone who understood that you don’t just grieve the baby — you grieve the future. The due dates. The milestones that will never happen. The sibling your child will never meet.
If you are reading this and you are in that place — I see you. I was you. And I want you to know: you are allowed to grieve as long as you need to. There is no timeline for this.
He Is My Favourite “What If”
I still miss my baby every single day. I see his pictures here and there. I think about him — who he would have been, what he would have looked like, how my toddler would have loved him.
He is my favourite “what if.”
But somewhere along the way, I made peace with something hard: there are things that happen inside the body that are completely beyond our control. I could not have changed what happened. And carrying the weight of that “what if I had done something different” was only adding to my pain.
Making peace with that does not mean forgetting. It means choosing to honour him by living — fully, intentionally, and with love.
The Body You Are Living In Right Now
Nobody talks about this enough: when you lose a baby — through stillbirth, infant loss, or any pregnancy loss — your body still goes through postpartum. Your hormones still shift. Your milk may still come in. Your body still needs to recover from birth.
And you are expected to deal with all of that while carrying the heaviest grief of your life.
I am not going to tell you to focus on your body right now. I am going to tell you to be gentle with it. Your body did not fail you. Your body carried your baby with everything it had. It deserves compassion — not punishment, not pressure, not comparison.
Right now, the only thing I ask of you is this: eat something. Drink water. Sleep when you can. That is enough. That is more than enough.
My Why — And Maybe Yours Too
My baby boy was the baby we wanted to give as a sibling to our toddler. After losing him, I could not imagine going through another pregnancy. The fear, the grief, the “what ifs” — it all felt impossible.
But my toddler is still waiting. And somewhere in that thought — he is still waiting — I found my reason to keep going. The next baby is not a replacement. The next baby is the sibling my toddler has been waiting for. And I believe that having another baby may heal us as parents too.
So I started focusing on my body. Not to “bounce back.” Not to look a certain way. But to be healthy enough, strong enough, and ready enough — for what I hope is coming next.
Your “why” might be different from mine. But I hope you find it. And I hope it pulls you forward on the days when nothing else can.
When You Are Ready — Not Before
There is no right time to start taking care of your body after loss. There is only YOUR time.
When that time comes — when you feel even the smallest flicker of readiness — Riv Method will be here. Not to push you. Not to put you on a program before you are ready. But to walk alongside you, at your pace, with full understanding of everything you have been through.
You are not just a client to me. You are a mom who has survived something most people cannot imagine. And that makes you one of the strongest people I know.
To my angel boy — you are my favourite “what if”, my greatest love, and the reason I do this work. This post is for you. 👼
You Don’t Have to Walk This Alone.
When you are ready — whether that is today or months from now — I am here. No pressure. No timeline. Just support, understanding, and a plan built around your body and your story.
DM START on Instagram whenever you feel ready.
@mini.rivmethod | info@rivmethod.com
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